What I Learned from My Husband's Infidelity [Personal Experience]

"I have someone I'm dating at work"

"Aren't you stupid? Sending me a letter. I have someone else I like."
It was one evening. As soon as my husband sat down at the dining table, he spat out these words. He had a woman he was dating at work and said he felt "destiny"... I had a realization. For about a year, my husband had been constantly irritated even when he was at home. He would pick up our newborn daughter as if she were a burden and say, "She's not cute." I thought it was my fault for being so focused on taking care of the child, and just last night, I had apologized in a note. I instinctively uttered these cold words.
"...It's not my problem, so why don't you two think about it? The other person might be troubled too, so it would be better to come to a conclusion quickly, right?"

I Have a History of Divorce

Actually, I have a history of divorce. My first marriage was at 25, but I couldn't change my work-first lifestyle, even working on weekends. My ex-husband, who waited for me without sleeping, became bothersome, and in the end, I announced my intention to separate in the third year, leading to divorce. After that, in my 30s, I met my current husband, who is ten years younger, and remarried.

The Pain of Realizing Infidelity

After being confessed to about the infidelity, I tried to have no interest in my husband at all. I thought that if I didn't think about it, I wouldn't have to suffer. Even when I drove my husband to the station every morning as he went to work, there was not a single decent conversation. As soon as he arrived at the station, he slammed the door and left in silence. It was about a week of such days. I felt a dull pain in my chest. Suddenly, the reality of being cheated on hit me with a sense of urgency. The pain in my heart manifested physically as if it were being torn apart. I developed allergy symptoms from over-the-counter cold medicine and was so dizzy and nauseous that I couldn't stand up.

Invited to Distribute Religious Literature

Around this time, I started receiving phone calls from a senior believer of Happy Science open_in_new who lived in the same area. They invited me, who had just begun to have faith, to gatherings and activities at the branch open_in_new.
"Hey, why don't we distribute religious literature together?"
"I'm sorry. I appreciate it, but I'm not in the mood for that right now..."
"Oh, what a waste. Spreading the teachings of Buddha is also a path to becoming a bodhisattva.*"
The word "bodhisattva" strongly resonated with me, and the very next evening, I started delivering Monthly "Happy Science" and "The Evangelist" open_in_new to my neighbors while holding my one-year-old daughter. I was just struggling alone, wanting to forget the frustration of being betrayed by my husband, thinking, "If I were a bodhisattva, I wouldn't be suffering by only thinking about myself."

*Bodhisattva: A person who strives to become a Buddha and lives with thoughts of altruism and love for others.

My Self That Was Happy with My Troubles

A few months after I started distributing literature, I began to chat with the mothers in the neighborhood, and my feelings started to lift. However, there was no progress between my husband and me. "Should I really get a divorce and start working?" I sighed deeply in the kitchen where the sunset was shining through, and at that moment, I realized I was somehow smiling. I was astonished to find myself happy about this situation, and at the same time, I felt a strange clarity.
(This is my "problem collection"...)
I had learned many times in Happy Science that "life is a collection of problems, and troubles and suffering are whetstones for polishing oneself." But I could only see my husband's infidelity as his problem, waiting for him to apologize or bring up divorce.

Wanting to Learn the Kindness of a Goddess

A few days later, when I happened to receive a call from the branch manager of Happy Science, I opened up to someone for the first time.
"Actually, I'm not getting along with my husband. In my previous marriage, I failed because I worked too much, so now I'm a full-time housewife."
"That's a wise decision. You shouldn't become rivals with your husband. How about learning the kindness of the goddesses in the heavenly realm?"
The branch manager spoke about the importance of grace and a harmonious heart. When I had previously read a Happy Science book about the harmonious way of living of goddesses, I couldn't understand why femininity was so important. But the word "goddess" that came up in my conversation with the branch manager stuck with me. The following month, I had the opportunity to attend training at the temple open_in_new, so I decided to boldly approach the training with the goal of "becoming a goddess."

My Mother Blaming My Father

From then on, I began to attend the temple as if guided, and I started to reflect on my heart. During one training session, while contemplating the koan of "seeing the other person's life with a blank mind," I found myself thinking about my father. My father often said he felt "lazy" and frequently took days off work. My strong-willed mother often blamed my father's inadequacies, saying things like, "You're just making excuses again," which led me to think of my father as a failure.
(But is that really true? Even while complaining, he never quit his job. Maybe he was doing his best in his own way...)
"You got a fever again? It's because you lack a sense of responsibility towards work. You're such a hopeless person!"
I saw myself speaking harshly to my husband, and in the next moment, my mother's image overlapped with mine. I clearly felt that I had the same "problem collection" as my mother within me.

Unknowingly Hurting Others

Around the same time, I was asked by the branch manager to take care of the local community. Among people of different ages and professions, from youth to the elderly, there were some whom I couldn't understand, thinking, "Why are they so assertive?" Honestly, I was perplexed. But upon reflection, I realized I had been the same during my company days. I was the type to do everything alone, and even when my boss sarcastically said, "You're making it hard for me to clean up after you," I remained unfazed, having a strong personality. While I was lost in thought at the branch, the branch manager advised me, "Some people might get hurt if their flaws are pointed out too clearly."
(Huh? Is that so?)
I had been directly expressing my thoughts to others, thinking I was helping them with their self-transformation, saying things like, "You always put important things off, don't you?"
(I might have been imposing my selfish ideal on my husband too...)

The "Good Points" of My Cheating Husband

Since then, I desperately told myself, "I won't say everything I think out loud." When my blaming heart wouldn't stop and I felt frustrated, I would go for walks or search for teachings about "the love that forgives" and read through the scriptures of Happy Science. While continuing my community service and trying to control my anger at home, it was about six months later that I began to think more about, "What kind of eyes does the Buddha see us and the world with?" If the Buddha were in my position, what would he think of my husband? Although he was coming home late and seemed to be continuing his relationship with the other woman, I began to see one good point about my husband.
"Even though he has someone else he likes, he works hard for me and our child..."
I had never thought that way before.

Kind Words After Years

"Take care. Have a good day."
There was still no real conversation with my husband, but I decided to boldly express words of appreciation and kindness. I started cooking meals according to my husband's preferences and added an extra dish when I was busy. One Sunday afternoon, my husband, who usually would be sleeping or out, slowly got up.
"How about going to the hair salon for a change? I'll watch the kids for you."
I was momentarily taken aback. It had been years since my husband had spoken kind words to me.
(The position of the Happy Science books on the bookshelf had changed, but did he read them...?)
After that, my husband voluntarily participated in a lecture by President Okawa open_in_new and became a believer of Happy Science. I couldn't ask him about the other woman, but seeing him come home early, relax, and play wrestling with our daughter made me think, "It's over."

The Feelings of Resentment Towards My Husband Dissolved

"How about we go to the temple as a family next time?"
This was the year after my husband became a believer. At my husband's suggestion, our family visited Hokkaido Seishinkan open_in_new together and were able to express our gratitude to the Buddha. Among the harmonious families gathered at the temple, our family was also there.
In the early morning, I walked alone along the temple path adorned with beautifully colored autumn leaves. Even if just one tree is colored, it doesn't create a beautiful scene. It's because all the trees harmonize and change color together that it becomes so beautiful, I deeply felt. A gentle breeze blew, and the leaves swayed in unison. My feelings of resentment towards my husband had disappeared.
(What if that infidelity hadn't happened...)
The infidelity itself was a very painful experience, but it taught me my tendency to judge others, helped me understand the other person, and made me realize the importance of living in harmony. That was truly an important realization for my life. From now on, I want to live in a way that builds a harmonious family that pleases the Buddha.