Aiming for a caregiving filled with smiles 【Personal Experience】

I have worked in the medical field for 40 years as a clinical engineer and a licensed practical nurse.
In my work, I have always been close to patients, facing them with my heart, and helping them live through their illnesses, which I have continued for many years.

As someone like me, I have learned a little through family caregiving with my wife, and I would like to report that.

Until now, my wife and I have experienced caring for our four parents together, and five years ago I lost my father, and this year I lost my father-in-law.
Even now, we are working together as a couple to care for my mother and mother-in-law at home.

I began to notice that my parents were gradually having difficulties in their daily lives when they turned 80, and I continued to visit their home, which is a 30-minute drive away, to check on them from time to time.

The serious caregiving for my parents began in 2013 when they were 86 years old.
My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's-type dementia accompanied by Parkinson's disease, and my father was diagnosed with a hidden stroke. I believe they must have felt a sense of helplessness, as if a cloud or fog was hanging over their heads.
As parents, as human beings... my father and mother were gradually breaking down.
I think it took us quite a while to accept our parents as they were.

During this time, when my mother was 87, she fell from her bed at home, suffered a lumbar compression fracture, and was forced to be hospitalized.
My mother, who began her treatment life in the hospital, was tossed about by the significant changes in her environment and severe pain in her back.
She ended up being in a state where her actions were forcibly suppressed by medication, resulting in a breakdown of the balance between her mind and body, leading to continued poor health.
I consulted with her primary doctor and decided to consider the direction of her discharge.

While my mother was hospitalized, she lost weight and could not eat enough.
Her expression was devoid of vitality, and her eyes lost their sparkle...
And her dementia accelerated.

After my mother was discharged, my wife and I decided to live together with my parents and care for them.
I think it was a significant decision for my wife as well.
My wife was encouraged by the words of Ryuho Okawa, the founder, written in the women's magazine 'Are You Happy?' open_in_new※(1), "If you don't do it, who will? " and resolved to take on caregiving.
I learned about this much later.

Once caregiving for my mother began, a significant event that greatly affected our daily lives was her frequent urination.
At night, she needed assistance to go to the bathroom every 10 minutes, about 50 times a night.

(I just finished... again!?)

It was a continuous cycle.

Three days passed, a week passed, and as we reached a month, both my wife and I began to feel physical issues due to exhaustion.

As a believer in Happy Science, I sought the light of salvation in my morning prayers, but I thought, (if this continues, we will both collapse), and that was my true feeling.

As a last resort, I attempted to visit a psychiatric outpatient clinic before considering admission to a care facility.
I was examined by a very kind doctor and received two treatment suggestions.

The first was hospitalization. "If you are hospitalized, discharge will be when you pass away," he said.

The second was to temporarily stop the current medication, return my mother to her original state, and then consider necessary medication treatment from there.

My mother's caregiving life was quite severe, but after discussing it with my wife, we chose the second treatment direction.
I believed, "Surely there is bright hope."
And we prioritized alleviating my mother's suffering and decided to find ways to overcome our daily lives.

Thirty years ago, I picked up the scripture of Ryuho Okawa, 'Love people, give life, and forgive.' open_in_new at a bookstore and was shocked, leading me to join Happy Science and take the Three Returns Vow open_in_new (※2).
A few years later, my mother also joined Happy Science, and thanks to the protection of the divine, she gradually regained her health, like sunlight streaming in day by day.
Furthermore, by incorporating day services and short stays, with the help of the specialized staff, she was able to gradually lead a more regular life.

※1 'Are You Happy?' open_in_new...a monthly women's magazine (published by Happy Science) that provides hints for finding 'seeds of happiness' and 'tips for happiness' in daily life.

※2 Three Returns Vow... a vow to take refuge in the Three Treasures of Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha and become a believer of Happy Science.

Just as I felt relieved, we were given our next trial.
My father wandered out at night, unlocking the house, and passed away in an accidental incident. 91 years and 8 months...
The shock was immense, and losing my father made me deeply reflect on my existence as a man, an adult, and a son.

I reflected on my inadequate caregiving, the need to consider unexpected events, and I felt (I was truly sorry to my father).

After that, I completed my father's memorial service (※3) at Happy Science and had him interred at the Nasu Afterlife Happiness Garden.
I believe he was guided to the heavenly realm under the light. I vowed to strive anew in this life, looking forward to reuniting with my father in the next life in the heavenly realm.

And I resolved that if I needed to help my elderly father-in-law, R, or my mother-in-law, H, I would once again gather the courage to take on the challenge.

※3 Memorial service... a funeral of Happy Science that helps the soul that has entered the spirit world to become aware of its own death through scripture recitation, guidance, and the master's sermon, and provides guidance to the world of light after death.

In times of headwinds, during tough times, and when deciding to take a step forward, there is one principle I remember.
"Medicine is benevolence. Caregiving is also benevolence. People are precious souls created by the Buddha. Be fully aware of this. Closely accompany those who receive help, face them with your heart, and assist them in living. Have courage, be bright and positive, and think constructively about things."
- These words were written down when I deeply contemplated and learned the truth, and I consider them as words given by the Buddha, serving as my life's guiding principle.

In particular, I have a special feeling about the words, "Live brightly and positively."
Previously, Ryuho Okawa gave a sermon titled "Love, Confidence, and Courage" at the Tokyo Seishinkan of Happy Science as a seminar on the scripture 'Influence' open_in_new (2007).
During the Q&A session, I was truly grateful for the opportunity to ask about balancing work and activities.

"Change your way of thinking, and consider things in a positive and constructive direction."

During tough times, I repeatedly told myself, (I will live brightly and positively).

Also, during caregiving, there are times when my heart becomes disturbed, and feelings of anger and arrogance can disrupt my mind, but at those times, I remember the teaching to "regain inner peace and reflect or meditate to calm negative thoughts," and I made it a point to reflect on my thoughts and actions while enjoying the scenery of nature during my dog walks.
And when my heart was turbulent and swaying during caregiving, I made an effort to take deep breaths and calm my mind.

As I deepened my reflections little by little every day, I found that my heart was less turbulent than before.
I began to feel that accepting caregiving was noble, and my heart changed to even find my mother dear.

One day, in the afternoon with warm sunlight streaming in, I gave my mother a bath.

My mother has been suffering from diabetes for a long time, and due to her weakened resistance to bacteria and athlete's foot, I checked for any wounds on her body and washed her feet carefully.
After that, I let her soak in the tub, and after she got out of the bath, I hurriedly dried her off with a towel to prevent her body from getting cold.
While dressing my mother, I suddenly thought of this.

(I used to be bathed by my mother like this in the past...)

Reflecting on my childhood, various memories came flooding back.
When I was a child, my mother scolded me for being naughty and not listening, saying, "You mustn't do bad things."
When I was crying because my older sister bullied me, she gently wiped my tears.

Also, from the sight of my mother putting her hands together in front of the family altar, I felt even as a child the preciousness of having faith.

(Thank you so much, Mom, for giving birth to me and raising me. I hope this caregiving is a way to repay you...)

As I applied moisturizing cream to my mother's body after her bath with feelings of gratitude, she held my hand and smiled at me.

"It felt good. Thank you."

The moment I saw my mother’s cheeks flushed and looking happy, an indescribable sense of happiness and affection for her overflowed from the depths of my heart.

(...God, I am truly grateful for the precious opportunity to care for you.)

Continuing my caregiving with gratitude, I began living with my in-laws in addition to caring for my mother around June 2022.
My father-in-law has liver cancer, and my mother-in-law has a heart condition, so I observe their health daily to prevent deterioration and pay attention to their nutritional balance.
I also took care to stabilize their minds and incorporated faith into our daily lives.

And on January 2nd of this year, we were able to participate in the New Year Grand Festival at the Yufuin Shoshinkan of Happy Science for an overnight stay.
I believe both my father-in-law and mother-in-law were truly delighted and felt the greatness of Happy Science with their hearts and souls.

I am learning at Happy Science about the existence of the afterlife and that people are reborn many times between this world and the next, undergoing spiritual training.
In the future, when our family returns to heaven and reunites in the afterlife, I want to put my heart into daily caregiving so that I can hear, "I’m glad we could live together."

Moreover, caregiving is the practice of giving love. I believe everyone involved in caregiving, just like us, is truly working hard.
However, it is important to believe that things will definitely go well.
Please switch your mindset from 'care' to 'happy care' and don’t forget to occasionally praise your own growth.
The term 'happy care' embodies the idea that good care is born only when both the caregiver and the care recipient have truly pleasant feelings from the heart.
I believe that providing pleasant care is a daily training of the heart.

I also heard this kind of story from a senior believer of Happy Science.

"K-san said, 'Caregiving is when a parent, even when their body becomes disabled, puts their body on the line to help their child grow into a true adult.'"

I thought it was wonderful.

When the worldly caregiving and the 'spiritual caregiving' that brings joy to the deities unite, I believe I found the answer through my caregiving.
Nurtured by my parents, raised by them, and given love, I was led to my current environment.
I was reminded that my parents are the ones who provided me with a solid foundation for living.

I was able to deepen my feelings of gratitude not only to my parents but also to the Buddha who created us humans.

I want to strengthen my faith and cherish each day spent with my family.