My Parenting Was Too Strict 【Parenting Experience】

Laid-back Son

My eldest son T has a laid-back personality and is often loose with time. He frequently forgets things for school and shows no remorse when he breaks promises.
"How many times do I have to tell you! If you can't keep promises, bad things will happen in the future."
As I scolded T almost daily, I gradually began to only say negative things. Each time, T would look dissatisfied, sulking or pouting.
A turning point came for us as a parent-child duo. This summer, T started attending the Happy Science Dharma Truth School 'Success No.1'. He returned home full of energy, saying, "It was fun! Today, I was praised for this!" with sparkling eyes.
(When was the last time I saw such an honest face on T?)
As I watched my child gradually become more expressive and positive, I was forced to reconsider my approach to parenting.

Parenting Said to Be Too Strict

I had been told by those around me for a long time that my parenting was too strict.
Having been overprotected by my mother and then struggling in society, I believed that (children must be disciplined strictly, or they will suffer like I did). I had been approaching parenting with this belief.
However, seeing T's changes, I decided to reread the book by President Ryuho Okawa that became a turning point in my life, 'Be Incredibly Kind' open_in_new.

"Isn't there a part of you that is too strict with others? I believe that no matter how kind a person is, there is no such thing as being too kind. I don't think that living kindly is ever enough."

That statement reminded me of when my mother fell ill a few years ago.
The kindness of K from Happy Science, who encouraged and supported me when I was physically and mentally exhausted from caregiving, vividly came back to me.

K selflessly helped care for my mother with love, and thanks to that support, I was able to regain my smile.
And even as my mother's illness worsened and she was in a painful state, she continued to smile gently at me until the very end. Before she passed away, my mother reportedly told K, "The time I spent raising my children was the happiest time of my life."
(Surrounded by so much kindness, how lucky I was.)
Realizing the overflowing love that was poured into me, I recognized my mistake in blaming my mother for being overprotective. And a strong desire arose within me, (My parenting had been too focused on strictness. I want to be a kind mother like my own.)

Putting Kindness into Words

Reflecting on my previous approach to parenting, I decided to start by listening to T.
"Welcome home. How was school today?"
"What did you play with your friends?"
At first, T seemed surprised when I spoke to him, but gradually he began to share the fun things that happened that day. Once he finished telling me what he wanted to say, he would say, "Well, I have homework, so I’ll do my best now," and started to willingly sit down at his desk.
(Until now, I had assumed T was a child who wouldn't do anything unless I told him to. But that wasn't true; I hadn't believed in this child's brilliance...)
T's previous behavior was a reflection of my own heart and perspective. I sincerely reflected on how I had only scolded T without understanding him.

Believing in the Brilliance of the Soul

From then on, I made an effort to believe in T's soul's brilliance and watch over his growth.
At first, it was sometimes frustrating, but whenever he kept a promise, even if it was just one, I made it a point to say, "You did it." "Thank you." As I was able to watch my son's growth with a smile, I began to discover many good things about him.
As my approach changed, T's heart also began to change, and even when I had to scold him sternly at times, he would sincerely apologize, saying, "Yeah, I'm sorry." He also started to be able to keep to time better, and the number of times he forgot things gradually decreased.
Thank you, T, for teaching me the importance of "living kindly." I want to continue to watch over and support my son so that his soul shines.

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