The daily happiness given to me by my daughter with cerebral palsy

"Y, let's do an emergency cesarean section—"

In March eight years ago, just two weeks before my due date, I was diagnosed at the obstetrics and gynecology department with no fetal movement, indicating a dangerous condition. I was immediately transported by ambulance to a large hospital, where I underwent a cesarean section. I felt my consciousness fading due to anesthesia.

That evening, when I woke up in bed, my husband was holding my hand.

"Y, thank you for safely giving birth,"

Tears overflowed at my husband's kindness.

I later learned that before I woke up from anesthesia, my husband had been informed by the doctor that "the baby's life might last until tomorrow or three days..." but he kept silent, concerned for me right after the birth.

M was born in a dangerous state, suffering from severe neonatal asphyxia, which made it almost impossible for her to breathe, and hypoxic-ischemic encephalopathy, which could cause brain damage due to lack of oxygen. She was receiving treatment in the neonatal intensive care unit, and since I couldn't visit her, I was discharged first.

Our family of three, consisting of my husband, myself, and my mother-in-law, had been members of Happy Science for a long time, so we prayed for our daughter's safety and requested a 'strong prayer for healing from illness.' Additionally, the members of the Happy Science Iizuka branch open_in_new provided us with a message card to support M. Perhaps due to everyone's prayers, M's condition stabilized a week after birth, and I was finally allowed to visit her.

The long-awaited first meeting with my child—. When my husband and I peered into the incubator in the intensive care unit, the small and very cute M looked at us. Although she still seemed to be in distress, I was overwhelmed with joy at finally meeting my daughter and the realization of becoming a mother.

Then my husband and I heard the doctor's diagnosis. "If the birth had been delayed by half a day, your child would have died... H. Your child may have a risk of cerebral palsy—"

(...Huh? What does that mean?)

Cerebral palsy refers to a motor function disorder caused by damage to the brain. M also had an intellectual disability. Discussions about the need for rehabilitation, the possibility of seizures, and the need for a gastrostomy if she couldn't eat by herself filled us with anxiety about the future. Furthermore, there was a condition called 'ventricular septal defect,' which meant there was a hole in the wall of her heart that required medication.

(W-What... What will happen from now on?)

Even after returning home, my husband and I continued to discuss M's disabilities.

We learned through Happy Science that people are reborn many times in this world and the next, accumulating life lessons, and that everyone plans disabilities or illnesses as part of their life training. We encouraged each other, saying, "Let's overcome this together as a couple."

Then I spent a week in the hospital with M, preparing to raise her at home. This child had almost no strength to suck breast milk, so I was feeding her through a tube in her nose. However, wanting to convey my love by breastfeeding directly, I asked the nurses to help M practice drinking little by little. The tube was successfully removed, and after a week, I was discharged, and we would begin weekly check-ups and rehabilitation at the hospital.

Finally, the long-awaited life began with M, my husband, my mother-in-law, and me. We all held M every day, and our home was filled with smiles.

However, although M was practicing drinking breast milk, she could only drink a little, so she would wake up every ten minutes due to hunger.

Each time, I would hold her and soothe her, and I couldn't sleep every night. Wanting to be a 'good wife and good mother' who could handle both housework and childcare, I didn't consult much with my family and grew increasingly frustrated and irritated with my crying daughter.

"Mom wants to cry too!"

I whispered this and cried endlessly with my daughter. The anger that disturbed my heart was the complete opposite of my 'ideal mother image.' My heart was filled with chaotic emotions.

(...I'm a 'bad mom'—)

One day, after a period of sleep deprivation,

Noticing my distress, my mother-in-law brought me a monthly magazine from Happy Science.

"Hey Y, listen to this for a moment,"

My mother-in-law read aloud the essay by President Ryuho Okawa titled 'Feeling the Miracle,' which was included in the magazine that I hadn't read yet.

"'Lord, my suffering is not due to others, nor is it my own mistake, nor is it because the Buddha is being cruel. This is to teach me the meaning of my life in this world. I want to accept this and attain enlightenment. Therefore, Lord, I leave it to Your will.' This feeling is important.

Stop struggling like that, stop making judgments, and quietly accept it.

When you accept it, buoyancy will arise. The power to live will surge up. That is when miracles will come.'

As I listened to my mother-in-law's reading, tears flowed. 'I cannot change this child with a disability by my own power, nor do I know how to raise her—.' I felt my heart being liberated from that suffering.

(It was wrong to rely on my ego. I need to first accept things as they are, including this child's disability and the difficulties in parenting—)

Until then, I had thought, 'It would be absolutely better to lessen this child's disability and make life easier for her.' However, I realized that eliminating the disability is not the true purpose of M's life, and living with a disability is not a sad or negative thing.

I came to sincerely believe that there is a meaning in M being born with a disability, and that it is also a life training to refine our souls.

(What makes me happiest and most grateful is that this child grows a little bit every day.)

From the day I sincerely entrusted everything to God with an open heart, I felt my shoulders relax and my mind became easier. When my heart changed, mysteriously, M's ability to drink breast milk also improved. I was able to sleep at night, and my irritability decreased, allowing me to be kinder.

After that, although M was about 2 to 3 months behind typical children, she was able to hold her head up at around 6 months old, then sit up, and eventually eat solid food. As I watched my daughter grow little by little, the rehabilitation teacher said, "I've never seen a child show such remarkable growth!" and cried with joy.

In the tests conducted before entering kindergarten, M's intelligence was diagnosed to be around 1 year old, but since I had accepted my child as she is, I was able to hold strong in my heart, thinking, 'This child will be okay.'

※ The monthly booklet 'Happy Science.' It contains essays by President Ryuho Okawa and testimonies of experiences where learning the teachings opened up lives.

One day, I learned that the support group for children with disabilities from Happy Science, "You Are Angel" open_in_new, would be holding a retreat at Yufuin Shoshinkan open_in_new, and decided to participate with my husband and M.

The children with disabilities who gathered there accepted us, even though it was our first meeting, and asked, "Can I call you Y-chan?" They spoke to us without any emotional distance. The staff also treated the children with disabilities as companions learning the teachings of the divine, focusing on the inner brilliance of their souls rather than their appearances. M seemed to be having fun, radiating joy.

(I thought I was accepting M's disability. But in reality, I was viewing the disability as 'special'...)

Upon reflection, I realized that when I interact with neighbors, I often say, "This child has paralysis..." I had a desire for them to understand the difficulties of raising a child with a disability. Furthermore, I reflected on the arrogance of thinking, "I need to do something for M and the other children," which came from a somewhat condescending perspective.

(Even if the body is disabled, everyone’s soul is precious and shining—)

With support from the heavenly realm, M grew up healthy and strong. By the age of four, she had gone from barely being able to walk while holding onto someone to being able to walk while holding hands. After entering the support class in elementary school, remarkably, the hole in her heart that had been open since birth closed. It is rare for such a hole to close naturally if it does not close in early childhood, and the doctor was surprised, saying, "It's unusual for it to close at this age."

And praying for M's life to be filled with love and harmony, we decided as a family to receive the 'Great Development Prayer.' At that time, M still could not stand or walk on her own, so we were considering making a walking aid. Immediately after deciding to receive the prayer, M, who was playing in the living room at home, stood up by herself and started walking—. It was an event that could only be seen as guidance from the divine.

"M-chan just walked by herself!"

M showed an overflowing smile, saying, "M-chan can stand!" Later, our family participated in the prayer ceremony and deepened our gratitude for the miracle we received.

Last winter, M, in second grade, participated in the elementary school's endurance running competition. The running distance was 800 meters. The previous year, she had barely managed to run 400 meters with the teacher helping her.

(I wonder if M-chan will be okay this year...)

"Ready, set, go!"

As her classmates crossed the finish line one after another, M ran with all her might without anyone's help. Even when she started walking partway through, she did not give up.

My husband and I cheered with a prayerful heart, saying, "M-chan can do it!" The teachers and friends all sent their encouragement. The voices of "M-chan, do your best!" echoed in the area.

And finally, she crossed the finish line! M ran the long distance on her own feet. I hugged M tightly and cried tears of joy.

Last year, M was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease, but after receiving the prayer 'Super Vega Healing' while making efforts for treatment, her kidney values returned to normal, and she continues to receive miracles every day. Thanks to my daughter, I also realized that suffering is a 'gift from God' to polish one's soul and that there are many people around who support us.

M's way of living continues to give love and inspiration to many people. I am proud of the life I walk with M. I am sincerely grateful to God for granting me such a wonderful angel named M.