I want to protect your life - Suicide Prevention - [Personal Experience]

The suicides of my cousin and colleagues -
Days when I also thought, 'I want to die'

I was born in 1945 in a small town in Shizuoka Prefecture.
When I was 7 years old, my father died of tuberculosis, and my mother raised me and my two younger sisters on her own.

During my third year of high school, a shocking event occurred.
My cousin, who was the same age, stabbed his father and seriously injured him before taking his own life.
My cousin was a sensitive type blessed with artistic talent and dreamed of studying art abroad after graduating from high school.
However, he faced fierce opposition from his father regarding that dream, leading to his despair.

(But why... Why did it have to come to this?)

The question of 'why' lingered in my mind, and for a while, I continued to feel a turmoil in my chest.
Since this incident, I began to vaguely think, 'When people die, it's the end.'

After graduating from high school, I got a job at the National Railways (Japan National Railways, now JR) and moved to Kanagawa Prefecture.
At that time, the National Railways was engaged in fierce struggles against management by labor unions.
There were graffiti on trains and strikes demanding wage increases, often causing train delays and cancellations.
There were organizations like 'Kokuro' (National Railways Labor Union) and 'Doro' (National Railways Motive Power Labor Union), and it was customary for National Railways employees to belong to some union.
I started working as a maintenance worker and, aspiring to be a railway engineer, joined 'Doro,' where many engineers belonged.
While working hard every day, I was transferred within the prefecture and was assigned as a railway engineer's assistant.
This was when I was about 25 years old.

(If I keep working hard, my dream of becoming a railway engineer might come true. Let's do my best -)

However, due to hearing loss in my left ear, I failed the physical examination required to become a railway engineer.
In middle school, I had been hit in the face by a teacher as collective punishment for something my friend did, which caused my left ear to become hard of hearing.
My dream of becoming a railway engineer was cut off just one step away.

(It's pointless to keep trying. I should just quit my job...)

Just as I was about to submit my resignation, my boss said to me,

"S, becoming an engineer isn't the only job in the railway. Why not try your best in repairs and inspections as a behind-the-scenes supporter?"

After being persuaded by my boss, I reconsidered and decided to continue working as a locomotive maintenance worker.
Later, when I turned 30, I married a woman introduced by my boss.
We had two daughters and enjoyed a happy family life for a while.

However, around the same time, 'Kokuro' and 'Doro' had a 'falling out,' and I began to receive insidious harassment from union members on the 'Kokuro' side.
I had items hidden from me, and I was electrocuted by current flowing through the maintenance equipment I handled, causing me to collapse.
I gradually became more and more depressed due to the harassment that lasted for days.

Amidst this, I was struck by further tragedy.
One day, a junior colleague burdened with debt took sleeping pills and committed suicide.
A few years later, a colleague at work also committed suicide due to personal issues...
Both were in their 20s.
I felt a sense of helplessness and my heart was constricted.
To make matters worse, the harassment continued day after day.

(Would it be easier if I died...? Should I just end it all -)

One night when my desire for suicide was swelling.
On my way home, I looked up at the sky and saw stars twinkling in red and blue.
As I stared blankly at the stars, my father's face, who passed away when I was 7, suddenly came to mind, and I felt as if he was saying, 'S, don't die. Hang in there.'

(...I have to live.)

I held back the impulse to commit suicide and somehow continued to work.
However, the work was tough, involving lifting and lowering coal and getting covered in oil for railway repairs.
The labor union disputes continued, and the workplace was chaotic.
Due to work stress, my irritability grew, and I gradually began to take it out on my wife.
When I got home, I would drink and yell at my wife, overturning the dinner table...
Our home became cold, and my wife told me she wanted a divorce, bringing us to the brink of separation.

As time passed, one day when I turned 50, I was given a copy of President Takashi Okawa's book 'The Law of the Sun' open_in_new by my boss's son and decided to read it.

(Eternal life... Even when the body is gone, the soul doesn't die!)

For me, who thought 'When people die, it's the end,' learning that 'there is eternal life' was a huge shock.
I felt that my father, as well as my cousin and junior colleague who committed suicide, were somehow still alive somewhere.
Wanting to learn more, I converted to Happy Science.
When I bought and read the scripture 'Spirit Messages from Nichiren,' the words 'Life is a problem set' stuck in my mind.

(No matter how painful things are, they might be the problem set given to me.)

I felt that the harassment at work was also teaching me something important.
I remembered that there was a senior who quietly encouraged me, saying, 'Hang in there,' while I was being harassed.

(That one word saved me.)

Even in difficult times, there are people who support you somewhere -
I realized that there is salvation close by, and that the Buddha has always been watching over me with great love.
I deeply felt that life is a study and this world is a training ground.
I began to attend branches and centers of Happy Science to learn the teachings.

One day, while reading the fundamental scripture of Happy Science, 'Buddha's Teachings: The Eightfold Path of Liberation' at home,

("Anger is the heart of rage"... That's me!)

I recalled the many wrongdoings I had committed by taking out my work stress on my wife.
I remembered the times I had yelled at her in anger, saying, 'You bastard!' and overturned the rice bowl...

(I did something unforgivable...)

I realized that the cause of our family discord lay in my short temper.
At that moment, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders.
Looking back now, it might have been that some kind of possession (Note 1) was slightly peeled away.

Also, I learned in Happy Science that when engaging in union activities not for the exercise of legitimate rights but merely for the sake of struggle, the heart becomes disturbed and one becomes possessed by an Asura spirit.
I learned that union struggles that strongly assert rights like wage increases lead to the company's downfall and create evil, acts of 'love that takes away.'
As I participated in union struggles, I believe the Asura spirit possessed my heart of anger, amplifying my rage.

(I want to change my short-tempered self and turn over a new leaf)

I apologized to my wife by bowing down and acknowledging my past actions.
After that, I learned about the method of calming the mind called "Su-sokukan" (※2) from Happy Science.
When I got angry, I recalled the breathing techniques I had cultivated through my hobby of Tai Chi and made an effort to calm my mind by repeating my breaths.
As a result, my anger gradually subsided.
Furthermore, as I expressed my gratitude daily for things like my wife cooking for me, our marital relationship slowly began to heal.
A few years later, my wife also converted to Happy Science.

※1: Possession... The act of evil spirits (spirits that have not returned to heaven or hell spirits) possessing someone. To avoid evil spirit possession, it is important to stop negative thoughts and harmonize the mind, as well as to manage one's health.

※2: Su-sokukan... A method of meditation for those whose minds are easily disturbed. It involves counting the breaths in and out while taking deep breaths to calm the mind.

When I was 58 years old, the "Let's Reduce Suicide Campaign" began at Happy Science.
I started distributing flyers for suicide prevention at the station around the age of 60 when I retired.

Around the same time, I learned the spiritual truth at Happy Science that if one commits suicide, they generally cannot ascend to heaven and that they may become a bound spirit, unaware of their death, repeating suicide multiple times without being able to go to heaven or hell.
It was said that even if one commits suicide, they will not find peace and will suffer much more while watching their bereaved family grieve.

(Is there great suffering waiting if I commit suicide? I'm glad I didn't die...)

I also learned that people generally come into this world with a "life plan".
It seems that they choose their parents and country, and resolve to have a wonderful soul training and to serve the Lord.
After that, they courageously enter their mother's womb, not knowing if they will be born safely, and forget their memories from the other world and start their life training from scratch.

(Committing suicide is an "act of rebellion" against my pre-birth self.
It was wrong to think, even for a moment, that I wanted to die.)

I was able to realize this.
And every week, I continued my suicide prevention activities in front of the station.

One day, I was confronted by a middle-aged woman who said this.

"It's a hypocritical activity. You don't know when you might commit suicide yourself!"

(Why would she say such a thing? I'm here trying to reduce the number of people committing suicide!)

I felt regret, shame, and anger.
However, after returning home and thinking calmly, her words began to sound like a certain "question" from above.

"You are engaged in suicide prevention activities, but what about yourself? Can you truly say that you will never commit suicide, no matter what happens?"

At that moment, a strong feeling welled up from the depths of my being.

(...I will absolutely not commit suicide, even if I become ill or physically disabled!)

This is because I learned at Happy Science that suicide is the abandonment of life's training, and that any suffering helps the soul to grow.
I also reflected on how my suicide prevention activities had become somewhat superficial.
I gained the strength to remain unshaken by what others say, and my conviction to "engage in suicide prevention activities for as long as I live" was solidified.

I felt an overwhelming gratitude towards the woman who made me realize this, and above all, to Lord El Cantare.

"I want you to live"—.
The soul's wish embedded in 18 years of activity

I believe that those who are contemplating suicide find it difficult to speak up about it themselves.
While it may not be apparent on the surface, the fact that there are people willing to accept suicide prevention flyers indicates that there are those who need this activity.

At Happy Science, we learn that the human soul is created by the Creator, Lord El Cantare.
The physical body is a gift from ancestors and parents, and the soul and heart residing in the body are also gifts from the Lord.
It is my life, yet it is not solely mine—.
Since it is a precious life sustained by the kindness of many, I believe that if one were to commit suicide, they would eventually suffer from regret and guilt.
If there are those considering suicide, I want to convey, "Death is not the end. Committing suicide will not bring peace, but rather more suffering."

Additionally, when I turned 70, I was hired as a driver for a mini steam locomotive running in a park in Kanagawa Prefecture, fulfilling my long-held "dream" of becoming an engineer.
I am very happy every day.
I am sincerely grateful for having encountered the teachings of President Okawa and for being granted life by the Lord, allowing me to engage in soul training.

It may sound presumptuous, but "I want to save as many people as possible. Please, I want you to live."
With this thought, I have continued my suicide prevention activities for 18 years.
Deepening my faith in the Lord, I will continue my suicide prevention activities for as long as I live, believing that this is the "heavenly mission" given to me by the Lord.