To untangle the worries of friendship

When you have a "bright heart," you gradually feel that you don't fit with the opposite. Have you ever felt this way?

When you are feeling gloomy and see a bright person, don't you feel annoyed? Can you be friends with someone who is cheerful and smiling when you are feeling down?

After all, it doesn't fit, so it tends to become either "they run away or I pull back."

However, if both are bright, they stick together. Likewise, dark people also tend to stick together.

There is also friendship in relationships where people speak ill of others. There is a friendship that comforts each other among the unhappy.

However, this friendship that comforts each other in unhappiness collapses when one person escapes from it. The one left behind tries to grab the one escaping and pull them down, but if they manage to escape, the friendship breaks.

After all, I don't want to go in this negative direction. My wish is that, if possible, friendship among bright people is good, and I hope that with your brightness, you can also turn dark people towards the bright side.

I would like you to engage in such "self-generation."

(From 'I'm Happy' open_in_new)

To improve human relationships and increase friends, it is important to cultivate the tendency to "see the strengths of others as much as possible."

This is surprisingly possible if you firmly decide in your heart, "As a policy for my life, I will try to see the good in others as much as possible." First, you must think, "I will do that." And if you think so, it will become that way.

I repeat, it is about making an effort to see the good in others. It is important to think, "Is there something good or a strength in this person?" and to look towards that as much as possible.

Here, I would like you to pay attention to one point.

That is, "If you study too much in school, your mind becomes meticulous, and you start to notice even the small details, but at the same time, you also develop a 'meticulousness' that makes you think, 'Isn't this a trick question?' which makes it easier to see the flaws and shortcomings of others."

In other words, as your "intelligence increases," you become more able to see the shortcomings of others. This is one of the pitfalls.

Of course, when you are in a managerial position or in a position to guide others, it is necessary to see people's weaknesses and bad points, and it would be problematic if you couldn't see them at all.

After all, a good leader is someone who can see people's shortcomings but still aims to develop their strengths.

It is also problematic to have a leader who cannot see people's flaws or weaknesses, so one should not be such a leader.

However, if, due to becoming smarter, you only see people's weaknesses and bad points, and develop a tendency to look for flaws in others, you will become disliked as a person. This is something that is often not noticed unless pointed out by others.

Especially for young people, there is such a tendency. The more meticulous the mind becomes, the more one can see the flaws and weaknesses of others, and particularly when the mathematical or scientific mind develops, one becomes good at noticing small mistakes. However, it is quite difficult to form friendships with such people.

People with such tendencies need to realize that "I too can make mistakes and fail. It is wonderful to have someone who forgives and accepts me during those times, but that is the same for others."

(From 'The Happiness Theory of Stress-Free Healing' open_in_new)

A typical example of someone who is not trusted is a person who speaks with a forked tongue, someone with a double heart.

They may not intend to, but they approach others with a double heart, saying nice things on the surface while thinking completely differently inside. This is seen through by others, leading them to think, "What a nasty person."

Such things also happen in romantic relationships. There are very skillful people in the world who can smoothly navigate between three or four women, or women who skillfully move between multiple boyfriends using their beauty.

However, once this is known to the other party, they completely lose trust.

Yet, the person in question does not understand why they are not trusted.

They might think, "I am acting according to my heart. A has wonderful qualities, B is a very good person, and C is also quite impressive. Each has their own wonderful qualities, so I am just being true to my heart by dating A on Monday, B on Tuesday, and C on Wednesday. I wonder why A gets angry when I say I dated B. Why don't they trust me?"

Such people rarely consider how they would feel if they were in the opposite position.

"I am naturally treated like a butterfly or a flower, and I am positioned very high, unlike others," is the premise they operate under.

I believe such people will eventually face a breakdown in their relationships.

(From 'The Syndrome of Not Being Able to Be Happy' open_in_new)

Another type of person who is not trusted is someone who cannot manage information. They are the ones who let conversations slip from one ear to the other. This is due to their loose lips. There are things that should not be shared with others.

"I think this person is safe to talk to," but when everything leaks out and many people find out, the person who spoke will never share important matters with that person again.

Therefore, to gain people's trust, it is necessary to clearly distinguish between what can and cannot be shared with others.

And when someone says, "This is something I am confiding in you, so please don't tell anyone," if you think, "I might end up telling someone," you should preemptively say, "I have a personality that cannot keep what I hear to myself, so if you tell me, I might leak it to someone else. Therefore, please don't share things you don't want others to know with me."

If the other party still wants to talk, it may be unavoidable to be a listener. By listening, the other person's feelings may become clearer. However, please manage information as much as possible.

If you are not a tight-lipped person, it is best not to get involved in others' consultations recklessly. If you are a tight-lipped person, it is fine to help with others' consultations, but if a loose-lipped person gets involved, information may leak out, and the troubles of the person consulting may expand further, so if you think, "I cannot manage information," it is important not to intrude too much into others' secrets or private matters.

Additionally, there are people who, conversely, have a tendency to share all their secrets with others. This type also loses trust from others, so caution is necessary.

True friendship and trust do not mean showing everything. As the saying goes, "Even among close friends, there should be etiquette," it is important to show your good side when interacting with friends. Please keep in mind that "telling everything is not necessarily a good thing."

(From 'The Syndrome of Not Being Able to Be Happy' open_in_new)

To maintain trust with others, the attitude of "keeping promises" is essential.

Of course, there are times when you cannot fulfill a promise, but even so, it is necessary to have the intention to do your best.

When you cannot keep a promise, it is important to have the feeling of "I'm sorry. I will repay this debt someday."

In other words, this is what we call "residual heart" (leaving your heart behind).

I used to practice kendo, and for example, when I strike "men" in a match, I tend to get too focused on that.

However, if it doesn't work out, my posture completely collapses, and afterward, I can easily get scored on.

Therefore, even when you are putting in all your effort, it is necessary to keep your heart reserved.

That is the consideration for the next stance or a sense of ease.

This is called "residual heart."

Having this mindset allows you to come up with the next strategy.

There are times when you promise someone, "I will do it," but in the end, you cannot.

However, you can tell whether someone is just a talker or someone who genuinely tries but cannot, and wishes to repay "someday" by the fragrance of their character.

Therefore, it is necessary to keep that feeling in mind.

(From 'Coffee Break' open_in_new)

Another difficult aspect of interacting with people is determining "how much intrusion to allow from the other party."

When you open the door of your heart, they come in. If you take a step back, they take another step in. If you take another step back, they come in again.

There are people who keep pushing in like this. I think many people are troubled by this type of friend.

This is the type that, once you start befriending them, they will come into your home and even count the number of grains of rice.

In short, they are shameless, and because they are this type, there are people who are disliked by others.

Therefore, instead of adopting an "all or nothing" mindset, meaning "accept everything if they are a friend, and accept nothing if they are not," it is necessary to always consider how to maintain distance.

There is a way to maintain a distance of "even among close friends, this far."

If you keep a certain distance, you can maintain a long relationship, but if that distance is too short, you may interfere with each other and not be able to maintain a long relationship, so it is important to value how to maintain distance.

If you get this wrong, the other party will keep intruding, and you will get annoyed and cut them off.

Then, the other party will think, "They were so friendly to me, but now I am getting a reaction like a turn of the palm. I don't understand."

People of this type often do not realize that they have intruded too much, so it is best to keep a little distance from the beginning.

(From 'Coffee Break' open_in_new)

Nowadays, many middle and high school students are shoplifting, and it seems that more often than not, they do it as a team rather than alone.

In addition to those who steal items, there are also lookouts, decoys, and those who pretend to buy something. Since convenience stores often have only one clerk, it is easy to steal if you team up.

While it is common to form a group of shoplifting friends, this is bad company.

However, once you form relationships with five, six, seven, or eight friends, it becomes difficult to withdraw from those who engage in shoplifting. If you try to leave, you might be threatened with, "You're being arrogant. We'll ostracize you," and you may end up participating against your will.

However, such relationships are harmful, and rather, if they are your friends, you should create a relationship where you can say, "You shouldn't do that." If you don't speak up, they may become criminals or ruin their future.

We must not let such things happen, so we must say what needs to be said.

(From 'The Law of Courage' open_in_new)

Most people want to receive various comforts and help from others in financial and work-related aspects by adjusting their relationships. Everyone generally thinks this way.

However, if that is the case, it is more important to try to do things on your own as much as possible without needing others' help.

This is what we call "independent" in English.

People who think, "I want to be as independent as possible in terms of money, work, and life, so that I don't burden others," are easier to form friendships with. For people of this type, it is also easier to help each other.

On the other hand, friendships do not last with those who always say, "Help me, help me," and involve others emotionally and financially in various ways. A relationship where one side is always being helped is like that of a creditor and a debtor, and true friendship cannot be established there.

If you want to gain friendship, rather than trying to strengthen your connections with others, you should think, "I will take care of myself a little more. I will be self-sufficient and try to be a little more independent. I will manage on my own without relying on others." Such people are relatively easy to get along with.

It is a mistake to think that always wanting others' help means "I have deep relationships" or "I have many friends."

Friendship is not about such relationships. The more truly independent and self-reliant a person is, the more they can engage in "gentleman's friendship" on equal terms.

(From 'The Law of Hope' open_in_new)

From the past broadcasts of the popular radio program 'Angel's Morning Call' open_in_new (national network + Hawaii KZOO), we introduce programs that we want you to listen to now. (You can listen to it in audio)

(1) 'For those who cannot blend into the circle of people' [Episode 1125] open_in_new
(2) 'Can't forgive that person? Shall we heal that pain?' [Episode 1326] open_in_new
(3) 'For those troubled by human relationships' open_in_new
(4) 'Are you tuning your words?' [Episode 1470] open_in_new
(5) 'Secrets to improving human relationships that will make you feel better' [Episode 1535] open_in_new