How to resolve workplace relationships

When you realize, 'I am the type this person dislikes,' you have no choice but to give up. 'I am just having bad luck right now. Although I am not compatible with this person, I will eventually meet someone compatible, and there will be transfers or reassignments in due time.' 'If my reputation is bad, it would be good if they keep telling my boss bad things about me. Then they might change my responsibilities.' This is one way of thinking.

The most painful issues are probably the dilemmas in relationships and the problems surrounding people's evaluations, but in reality, most of these are things you cannot do anything about.

What you can do is only to 'change your way of thinking.'

'How do I think? What kind of response do I give? How do I construct my mind?' This is what it boils down to.

You cannot change how others evaluate you to fit your desires. However, you can choose how you think about yourself and what kind of attitude you take, so I would like you to focus on that.

Even if others mock, insult, tease, or despise you, think, 'Let them do as they please.' That is their freedom.

That person may be using their freedom as a child of Buddha or God in a negative way. Or, they may seem to be causing you pain now, but they might actually be getting angry to help you grow.

In fact, both cases are possible. There are times when someone truly dislikes you and is angry, and there are times when they are trying to guide you.

People's evaluations are just one result, so you should change what you can change through your efforts. Change your way of thinking and your attitude towards others. First, it is best to strive to 'change yourself.'

From Ryuho Okawa's 'Super Absolute Health Method' open_in_new

People who do not succeed in business ultimately do not respect their bosses. Certainly, those who become bosses have human flaws. They have shortcomings. There will be many things you find unsatisfactory from your perspective.

However, it is also true that there are aspects that are not like that. The fact that this person is your boss means that there are people above them who have judged them to be 'capable individuals.'

Therefore, if you completely label your boss as incompetent and think, 'They are utterly insignificant and full of flaws,' you can be sure that you will not succeed in that company, society, or organization.

If you do not see that your boss has far more good points than bad ones, your success is likely to be uncertain.

From Ryuho Okawa's 'I'm Fine' open_in_new

On the other hand, it can be said that there is no one who succeeds without 'loving their subordinates.'

So, do you understand what it means to 'love your subordinates'? It means 'to nurture their good qualities' and 'to point out their bad qualities if they exist.'

Subordinates may come by chance, but it is important for a boss to help their subordinates become admirable human beings, to stand on their own in their work in the future, and to be able to perform well even in higher positions.

The most important thing to be careful about at this time is 'not to be jealous of your subordinates' talents.'

When an excellent subordinate comes along, there are people who tend to feel jealous of them. Some may have the feeling of wanting to pull them down or criticize them.

However, if you have such feelings, it is natural that the subordinate will not be able to advance, and you yourself will also find your own advancement halted.

Those who truly become great tend to have the tendency to 'love talent.'

They love those who have talents they do not possess, they love those who have wonderful aspects they do not have, and they have the desire to nurture them.

'Loving your subordinates' means actually having the desire to nurture subordinates who have different personalities from your own.

Rather, you must reach a high state of mind where you can take pride in having individuals superior to yourself under your command. Only when you reach that level of mindset can you also advance.

From Ryuho Okawa's 'I'm Fine' open_in_new

There may be people who do not evaluate you or who you find unsatisfactory.

However, it is important not to think that all such people are worthless, and if you find them unsatisfactory, it is crucial to analyze what exactly you dislike about them.

Even if you feel, 'This part just doesn't resonate with me. I find it hard to accept,' if you look at other aspects and think, 'This person also has good points. This aspect is good,' that feeling will be conveyed to the other person. They will feel, 'I am not being completely denied. This person dislikes this part of me, but they think well of other aspects.'

Then, the other person will start to change.

They will understand, 'When talking to this person, I should refrain from this part,' and as a result, they will change, and their good points will begin to emerge.

This will unknowingly encourage the other person's transformation.

By adopting the perspective that 'this person also has good points,' you can change the other person.

However, if you reject them by saying, 'I dislike them,' there will be no way to connect, and nothing can be done. It is important not to completely reject them.

From Ryuho Okawa's 'Coffee Break' open_in_new

If you are a subordinate who can make any boss succeed, you will definitely be promoted.

That is only natural. To do good work, it is essential to gather excellent subordinates. If you gather excellent subordinates, your performance will rise without you having to do anything, and you will become great.

You must understand that those above you are also struggling in their own way.

To climb the corporate ladder as a salaryman, you must work with the determination that 'no matter which workplace or which boss I go under, I will definitely make that boss succeed.' You will make the boss succeed wherever you go. Regardless of personal likes or dislikes, you will support them in their work and ensure that they grow.

An important point in this is not to claim credit for yourself, not to assert, 'I did it.' Those who cannot do this will find themselves tripped up somewhere.

Work hard yourself and give the credit to others. It is important for subordinates to work diligently and attribute their achievements to their superiors. People of this type will surely advance in their careers.

Those who think, "I am not recognized by my superiors," likely have a strong desire to claim credit for themselves. Such individuals should adopt the mindset of "not claiming credit for oneself." If they do so, a path will surely open up.

Written by Ryuho Okawa, "The Syndrome of 'Unable to Be Happy'" open_in_new

Those who have struggled with relationships need to take a moment to reflect deeply. This is self-reflection. Without doing this, nothing can be resolved. Ask yourself, "Why am I struggling with relationships?"

I would like you to reflect on whether there is something unnatural about your way of being, thinking, or your personality. Consider whether there is something problematic in how you behave. Then, think carefully about the differences between yourself and those who are good at building relationships.

If possible, I would like you to spend about thirty minutes a day reflecting on yourself, segmenting your self-reflection by age from childhood to the present. From birth to around three or four years old. Next, from five to six years old. Further, consider your early and late elementary school years, middle school, high school, and university. Finally, reflect on your experiences after entering society. In this way, segmenting your past by age to reflect on it is important.

Then, explore what causes your current personality to emerge.

Surprisingly, it may be that the selfishness you exhibited as a child is still manifesting.

Also, being an only child may hinder your ability to build relationships. Growing up in the countryside may not align with the rhythms and forms of urban life. Alternatively, the work itself may not suit your personality.

In this way, it is important to thoroughly reflect on your personal history and think carefully. At that time, you should surely find some points for reflection. If you do so, regardless of career advancement in the company, you can at least correct yourself as a person. It is possible to become a respectable human being.

Written by Ryuho Okawa, "The Syndrome of 'Unable to Be Happy'" open_in_new

There are times when unfulfilled desires from childhood manifest in different forms after becoming a working adult. What you originally sought from your parents may be sought from superiors or higher-ups instead. You may seek the same kind of evaluation from company managers, presidents, or executives as you did from your parents.

However, even if you reflect in this way, in most cases, you will again feel dissatisfaction just as you did with your parents. You will not be fulfilled as you think.

This is to be expected. In a company, there are many employees, and managers, directors, and presidents have many subordinates to care for, numbering in the dozens, hundreds, or even more.

And, for example, just as parents in a large family think, "I must treat my children fairly," in a company, superiors generally believe, "I should not show too much favoritism towards subordinates." If a superior shows too much favoritism, it can lower overall morale, so they strive to avoid that as much as possible.

Therefore, if someone strongly wishes, "I want to be exclusively loved by my superior," that attempt will likely fail eight or nine times out of ten. It usually does not succeed.

It is rare for a superior to elevate one person above others and make them special. Even if such a thing happens by chance, that person tends to face jealousy and gossip from others, leading to setbacks.

Written by Ryuho Okawa, "The Laws of Happiness" open_in_new

After all, rather than demanding 100% from others, you should focus on the good things they are doing.

When you do this, strangely enough, the world begins to change. By stopping the desire to "take, want, or receive from others" and discovering what you are currently given, or by looking at the good points of others rather than their bad points, changing your evaluation and mindset itself becomes a way of giving to others.

Even if you are doing your best and achieving 90%, there may be a spouse who is always angry about the 10% that is not right. From the other person's perspective, there may be something like, "You are a good person, but I just can't stand this one habit."

For example, "You are doing your best and are a good man, but I just hate this pomade," "I really dislike this beard," "I can't stand that one eye's outer corner is raised," "You have a habit of snorting sometimes," or "You grind your teeth at night," and so on.

However, those who bring up what they "absolutely hate" are people who want to be unhappy. In short, those who say such things are actually looking for reasons to be unhappy.

Instead, you must recognize the good points of others, be grateful for what you have been given, and change your mindset.

And let's stop taking from others at this point. Let's look at what we are given and think about giving back to others.

Written by Ryuho Okawa, "The Laws of Happiness" open_in_new

The teachings introduced above are included in the following book.

From the popular radio program of Happy Science, "Angel's Morning Call" open_in_new (national network + Hawaii KZOO), we introduce programs that we would like you to listen to now from past broadcasts. (You can listen to it in audio.)

(1) "Are You Doing Well? Relationships" open_in_new [Episode 0973]
(2) "How to Interact with Superiors and Subordinates?" open_in_new [Episode 1021]