How to Calm Anger Towards Your Husband 【Consultation】〈Happy Mama Happiness Consultation Room Vol.5〉

【 What is Happy Mama Happiness Consultation Room 】
Staff and senior members of Happy Science answer specific problems encountered in life, such as relationship issues and worries about work and family. At Happy Science, we view "life as a problem set" and learn the laws of the mind to achieve happiness.

How to Calm Anger Towards Your Husband 【Happy Mama Happiness Consultation Room Vol.5】

After that, did the situation of not being able to get help from your husband change due to your efforts as a couple?

Yes, quite a bit. The negative feelings had inflated too much, so I wrote down all those feelings in a notebook, showed it to my husband, and we discussed various things. Since then, my husband has started asking me, "Is there anything I can do?" I also made an effort to express my requests, and that led to changes.

I think that's wonderful. First of all, you are steadily moving towards a solution on your own. Many couples spend time in silence, remaining at odds with each other.

"It's difficult for men to understand before I say it"

Just as a mom in her first year is having a hard time, a dad is also in his first year. At a time when he might not know what to say or do, it was good for your relationship that you were able to honestly say, "Actually, I was having a hard time. I would be happy if you could do this."

However, the point of today's discussion is that even now, the emotional thorns of "not being helped" until about the age of one still remain.

I think it's good to first understand that men and women come from completely different planets.

Women tend to think, "Huh? We're both human, right? Why don't you understand my difficulties?" and "I want you to sense it before I say it." However, this is quite difficult for men. Conversely, men tend to think, "If you tell me, I can act. But if you don't tell me, I don't know what to do."

Women remember with emotions, while men remember as events.

Next, you mentioned that even though you can now tell your husband anything, thinking about the past brings up emotions like, "It was like this, it was like that." This is really a common occurrence.

This is where the difference in how men and women remember comes into play.

Women store the "emotions" from that time in capsules and remember them along with the capsules. Then, that long chain of "emotional memories" reacts to just one unpleasant event, causing a reaction like, "Oh, here we go again," and they end up recalling past events.

On the other hand, men remember events as objective occurrences. Even if they are not entirely objective, they remember the events without the accompanying emotions.

Therefore, men often say, "When my wife scolds me, she often brings up past events. If I were being scolded for something current, I could understand, but she says, 'By the way, you did this a week ago, a month ago, five years ago, ten years ago...' and the complaints and lectures just keep getting longer."

The path to resolution from the woman's side

There is also a need for effort on the man's side to resolve this. However, from the woman's side, the first effort towards resolution is to know that "I tend to remember emotions and explode with them." Knowing this, you can then say, "I don't want that."

The reason is that when you are angry, you may not notice it, but when you see someone else saying, "By the way, you did this a year ago, five years ago..." you will likely think, "Oh, I don't like that."

This is the same when raising children. It's good to teach them pleasantly and clearly on the spot. Instead of scolding or lecturing, it's better to teach them. The reason is that pulling out emotional chains and acting on emotions will never lead to happiness.

Today, since the question came from the wife, I shared methods for her to control her own emotions.