How to find a soulmate? Three checkpoints to deepen your bond

June 21, 2019（Last Update: June 13, 2026）

Is there someone around you who feels like family even though they are not, a friend with whom you naturally understand each other without words, or a lover with whom you felt a sense of destiny when you met?
Perhaps that person is what is called a "soulmate", a "friend of the soul."

A soulmate is a close-knit group of friends who have reincarnated together many times in the past and have polished their souls together.
This person can be of the opposite sex or the same sex. In a sense, soulmates are beings that bring you good fortune.

Where are soulmates, and how can you meet your destined person...? We will delve into the secrets hidden within soulmates.

(Quoted from "Young Buddha" Issue 187 open_in_new)

label Table of Contents

People are born together with companions called "soulmates"
[Drama] Soulmate - Promise of the Soul - (17 minutes 29 seconds)
How to find a soulmate
Episodes that make you feel "soulmate"
Three points to deepen your bond with a soulmate
Don't depend too much on the other person
Be careful with your words
Talk openly
How to deal with people you don't get along with

People are born together with companions called "soulmates"

What is a soulmate?

It is common for people to be born as a group of dozens of souls that are connected, rather than being born alone. Those who are born at the same time, help each other, and have trained together are called "soulmates."

People are connected by the "Tree of Life"

Humans tend to think they live as separate individuals, but when viewed from a spiritual perspective, human souls are connected like a family tree.
This is called the "Tree of Life," the source of all life on Earth. Myths about the "Tree of Life" exist in many parts of the world.
The large branches extending from the Tree of Life represent "nations," branching out due to differences in religion. The branches correspond to "countries, regions, and groups with specific ideologies," and the leaves at the tips represent the souls of each individual. The leaves that grow around you are the people called soulmates.

[Drama] Soulmate - Promise of the Soul - (17 minutes 29 seconds)

How to find a soulmate

Soulmates are close by

Soulmates are often born nearby as family, friends, or colleagues, and they frequently help you. On the other hand, they can also be born as rivals or bosses, providing you with challenges. They appear as a divine mechanism to help you clear the issues you have carried over from past lives.

People are born in various countries and eras, changing roles while training in life. A soulmate who was a brother in a past life may become a son in this life.

What if the person you thought was your soulmate drifts away?

By the way, even if a relationship breaks down for some reason, you may meet a new soulmate, so cherish your connections with others. It doesn't have to be just between men and women; if you feel a connection with someone of the same sex, that person might be your soulmate.

Episodes that make you feel "soulmate"

心がつながっている

十数年来の親友に、ソウルメイトだと思える人がいます。彼が考えていることは言葉にしなくても分かるし、何でも正直に腹を割って話せます。友達より深い、切っても切れない仲です。

（20代・男性）

出会った瞬間に分かった

２年前に幸福の科学の支部で出会った方が、ソウルメイトだと思いました。初対面で、「あ、この人は他人じゃない」と直感的に思ったんです。神秘的な出会いに感謝しています。

（20代・女性）

過去世からの縁を感じた

高校時代に出会った友人が、まさにソウルメイトでした。「過去世でも近くにいたんだろうな」と思うくらい気が合うやつで、こいつだけは最後まで自分の味方でいてくれると思います。

（20代・男性）

Three points to deepen your bond with a soulmate

Don't depend too much on the other person

While people should help each other, relying too much is not good. Don't you think it would be troublesome if you were asked for help every time? First, manage your time and money well and aim for independence.

□ Are you returning borrowed items promptly?

□ Are you asking friends about everything?

Be careful with your words

As you become closer, you may become complacent, and your words may become harsh. Even with close friends, be careful as unthoughtful words can hurt. "Even among close friends, there should be courtesy."

□ Do you have a habit of criticizing others?

□ Are you not expressing your thoughts directly?

Talk openly

Gradually revealing your inner thoughts about hobbies and future aspirations deepens your relationship with the other person. However, be careful not to become too timid and miss the timing to convey your true feelings and beliefs.

□ Are you too afraid of criticism?

□ Are you not bound by past traumas?

How to deal with people you don't get along with

What is a good way to interact with someone you just don't click with?

There will always be people who do not appreciate you or whom you do not like, but it is important not to think that all such people are bad. If you don't like someone, analyze what it is about them that you dislike.
Even if you feel, "This part just doesn't click. I find it hard to accept," look at other aspects and think, "This person has good qualities. This part is good." This thought will be conveyed to the other person. They will feel, "I am not completely denied. This person dislikes this part of me, but thinks well of other aspects."
Then, the other person will start to change. They will understand, "When talking to this person, I should refrain from this part," and they will begin to change, bringing out their good qualities.
This, without realizing it, encourages the other person's transformation. By viewing them as having good qualities, you can change them. However, if you reject them outright, there will be no way to connect, and it will be hopeless. It is important not to completely reject them.
Women are good at this. For example, when proposed to, they might say, "I like you as a friend," and evade the issue. This kind of evasion is very skillful. (Omitted) Men are not as skilled in this area, but they may need to imitate women's techniques a little and engage in a relationship that is "not best friends but friends."

How to deal with "pushy people"?

Another difficult aspect of relationships is how much to allow the other person to intrude. When you open your heart's door, they come in. When you take a step back, they take another step in. If you take another step back, they come in again. There are people who keep pushing in like this. I think many people are troubled by this type of friend.
This is the type that, once you start a friendship, they will come into your home and even count the grains of rice. In short, they are pushy, and because of this, they may be disliked by others.
Therefore, instead of adopting an all-or-nothing approach—accepting everything if they are a friend and not accepting anything if they are not—you need to constantly think about how to maintain distance. There is a way to keep a distance of "even if we are close, this far is enough." Keeping a certain distance allows for a long-lasting relationship, but if the distance is too short, both parties may interfere with each other, making it difficult to maintain a long-term relationship, so it is important to value the way you maintain distance.
If you get this wrong, the other person will keep pushing in, which can become unpleasant, leading to a sudden cut-off. Then, the other person will think, "They were so friendly to me, but now they are reacting as if they have turned their palm. I don't understand." This type of person often does not realize that they have intruded too much, so it is best to maintain a little distance from the beginning. (Omitted)
If you are good at maintaining psychological distance, you will be able to interact with various people. However, in most cases, people either get too deeply involved or not involved at all, resulting in fewer things to learn from the other person.

（経典『人を愛し、人を生かし、人を許せ。』より）

※ This article is based onThe Law of Courage open_in_new The Law of Life open_in_new Monthly "Young Buddha" open_in_new Monthly "Young Buddha" Issue 187 open_in_newIt was created based on

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