The Etiquette of Human Relationships: What Does It Mean to 'Become an Adult'?

June 19, 2018（Last Update: June 14, 2026）

(※This article is a reprint and edit from the booklet ‘Young Buddha’ open_in_new June issue (No. 174))

The Etiquette of Human Relationships

Problems in human relationships are something everyone experiences. However, if you put in your all every time to solve them, both your mind and body will become exhausted.

To avoid that, it is important to understand the etiquette of human relationships. The key point is 'the attitude of an adult.'

From the lecture by Ryuho Okawa, the president of Happy Science, 'What It Means to Become an Adult,' we will introduce the etiquette that facilitates smooth human relationships.

Guardian Spirit: A spirit that guides humans on Earth. Each person has one, serving as a soul sibling (born as either gender in their past lives).

Characters

Takeru Narita (25 years old)
The youngest of three siblings. In his third year at a manufacturer, working in sales. He was motivated when he joined but is now in a slump. His hobbies include video games, and he is also interested in spirituality. He believes in spirits.

Yae (age unknown)
Takeru's guardian spirit. A woman who lived during the Meiji era, known as a good wife and wise mother. In her lifetime, she married into a merchant family and supported her husband. Unable to bear Takeru's failures, she prayed to God and obtained permission to appear before him.

Diagnosis of Etiquette in Human Relationships

From here, I will explain.

The first step to becoming an adult is to know oneself. First, let's diagnose how well you understand the etiquette of human relationships. Start from 【1】 and proceed according to the questions.

Plum: 30% Mastery
You are a very honest person with yourself. However, try to develop the habit of considering the other person's perspective a little more. If you do, your human relationships should improve.

Bamboo: 50% Mastery
You are a kind person with compassion. You may have a bit of a lazy side, but if you have ambition, you can change. Try to challenge yourself to celebrate those who are working hard. When you change, your surroundings and environment will change too.

Pine: 70% Mastery
You are someone who strives to maintain an adult attitude. You may often be quietly enduring without anyone knowing. Your efforts will surely be rewarded, so keep it up. By enhancing your sense of responsibility, your human relationships will improve even further.

Etiquette 1: Conduct Work with Integrity

Yae's Explanation

Even if you think, 'This is good enough,' there may be people who have experienced being scolded by their boss or seniors later.
This happens when you make judgments selfishly without considering the other person.
Behind the thought of 'Is this good enough?' there is likely a sense of complacency.

Holding onto that will not reduce mistakes, and you will continue to be scolded.
Moreover, it will also inconvenience those who help you recover from your mistakes.
In religious terms, causing inconvenience to others is called 'taking love.'
The first step to being liked by others is to discard the childlike heart within you and conduct your work with integrity.
Let’s understand this and become wonderful adults.

Are you using these phrases? Habit Check

□ Is this good enough?
□ I forgot~
□ It'll work out somehow
□ It's a hassle
□ I did it again

Etiquette for Enhancing Dignity

● Do not neglect the basics of work

When you receive instructions or warnings, make sure to write them down on a memo or sticky note so you don't forget. Reflect on your mistakes and make sure not to repeat them. A serious attitude leaves a good impression.

● Consider things from your boss's perspective

It is important to observe your boss's work and way of thinking regularly, and to ask questions about things you don't understand. If you understand the purpose and intent of the work, you can perform at a high level without making mistakes.

Etiquette 2: Focus on Others' Efforts

Yae's Explanation

When you are working hard, it can be easy to lose sight of your surroundings. While it's understandable to want recognition, it's not good to engage in 'busy appeals' or to fail to acknowledge others' efforts. Being able to fairly evaluate yourself and others is what it means to be an adult.

When you feel 'I'm not being recognized despite my efforts,' it may be that you are unable to view yourself objectively.
People tend to look down on others. Therefore, there may be discrepancies in evaluations between yourself and others, but if you accept this humbly, you can grow even more.
Additionally, the inability to recognize others' efforts stems from jealousy. Jealousy and admiration are two sides of the same coin.
If you want to get closer to your ideals, celebrate others.

Are you using these phrases? Habit Check

□ It's always me
□ I'm working so hard
□ I can do better
□ Why is it only them?
□ That's unfair

Etiquette for Enhancing Dignity

● Look for the good in others

To view yourself objectively, it is important not to overestimate yourself. By writing down the efforts and strengths of those around you in a diary or memo, you can broaden your perspective and evaluate yourself appropriately.

● Celebrate Others' Success

Try saying 'Congratulations' or 'That's amazing' to those who have worked hard. Even if your feelings don't initially catch up, that sincerity will be conveyed to the other person, and your relationship will improve.

Etiquette 3: Understand That Everything is Your Own Responsibility

Yae's Explanation

As a working adult, there are times when you may be scolded even for mistakes that are not directly yours. While it's very understandable to want to make excuses at that moment, being an adult means not taking hasty actions.
Even with others' mistakes, there is a mindset that says, 'If I had been more careful, it might have been prevented.'

People around you do not want to work with someone who always makes excuses.
The etiquette of human relationships is something that you acquire by growing as a person. It's okay to gradually expand your scope of responsibility. By doing so, trust will be built, and eventually, the path to promotion will open up.
People are surprisingly observant, even without words.

Are you using these phrases? Habit Check

□ It's not my job
□ Because ○○ didn't do △△
□ But, however, though
□ I don't know, I haven't heard

Etiquette for Enhancing Dignity

● Do not blame others or the company

What matters is what you do now. If you work hard to expand your scope of responsibility, teamwork will improve, and you will also be able to enhance your skills, making work enjoyable.

● Refrain from Complaining

As part of the etiquette of human relationships, let's reduce statements that people do not want to hear. Conversely, try to actively convey bright words and feelings of gratitude. People who uplift those around them are well-liked.

For Those Who Want to Deepen Their Understanding of Human Relationship Etiquette

'What It Means to Become an Adult'

This is the book that this article is based on. It explains the conditions for being told 'you have become an adult' in the real world, as well as the mindset for managing people, the benefits of patience, methods for mastering language, and many other points that could not be covered in this article. You can learn the key points for growing as a person.

→ Purchase from Happy Science Publishing open_in_new
→ Purchase from Amazon open_in_new (Kindle version eBook is also available)