Suddenly, he said to me, "I want to break up"【Consultation】

The staff of Happy Science answers specific problems encountered in life, such as relationship issues and worries about work and family. At Happy Science, we view "life as a workbook" and learn the laws of the mind to achieve happiness.

An opportunity to reflect on oneself and grow

Being rejected is shocking, and I understand the desire to chase after him. It's a difficult issue, but I would first recommend calming down and objectively reflecting on yourself. For example, think back and ask yourself, "Was I trying to bind him while saying I would support him?" Then, let's make an effort to change the issues we can control. "Even in close relationships, there should be manners" applies to love as well. However, if his feelings still don't change dramatically, it might be painful, but it could be better to accept the breakup and move on to the next stage. Are you so consumed by this in your mind that you can't focus on other things, wasting time that should be spent on your own growth? Thinking, "Instead of worrying, let's use time for growth," can sometimes be beneficial for both parties. That said, "love is blind," and it can be hard to remain calm. In such times, I think it's okay to cry as much as you want. After that, let's not dwell on it and move forward again. For such people, a new partner is likely to appear.

Men are easily attracted to women who can heal them

No, I don't think it's because you lack charm. Cheating shouldn't happen, so fundamentally, I believe the problem lies on the male side. It's often said that "men are fickle and have a tendency to be distracted by various things." There are aspects of this in men's love as well, and I think cheating often stems from a temporary lapse in judgment. However, it might be a complicated matter for women, but men are creatures of pride, and if they feel excessively blamed or pursued, they tend to want to distance themselves. Even if there has been infidelity, if you trust the other person and remain calm, surprisingly, men might reflect on their actions, thinking, "She trusts me even though she knows I cheated. I did something wrong to her..." Men are likely to go to "the kind woman who heals them." I suspect that cheating indicates he felt some stress in his relationship with you. Have you ever strongly blamed or judged him? Please check that just in case.

Listen without providing answers, and focus on understanding

Men tend to think logically, so for example, when consulted, they might think, "The other person is seeking an answer. I should provide an answer," and talk earnestly, but from a woman's perspective, it can feel like, "I just wanted you to listen and empathize..." There can be a disconnect. Since men and women think differently, if you're unsure what to do, I think it's good to focus on listening. It's important to make an effort to accept her feelings without acting awkwardly. This is also a challenge for me (laughs).

※ This content is a reprint from the monthly "Young Buddha" issue No. 98, with edits made.